A New Me. An Awakening.

I got a haircut yesterday. But not just any haircut--THE haircut. The one where I sat in the hairdresser's chair feeling like a girl (in my mind, I'm still 26) and got up feeling like a grown-up. But not in a bad way. In a 'you've turned into something lovely' kind of way. I sat in that chair with my eyes closed and listened to the girls entertaining Jackson. I heard the scissors and felt her hands on my head and thought about that golden girl with the long hair and her arms around her boyfriend. We were 19 and had no idea of what was to come.

Who knew? Who knew I would be so grown, so changed by this beautiful life? That girl would have never cut all of that hair off. It was as much a part of me as that mop on my husband's head (which is now shaved, by the way). Who knew I would have the strength to lift my son, to support him as he takes steps, to give him a voice, to navigate this scary special-needs world? God knew. Not me.

I felt changed when I got up from the chair. I wanted to hug that long-haired girl and tell her how proud I was. For getting through a dark, dark time and never losing sight of the light. For finding a really good guy and holding tight. For raising 2 confident, kind, and compassionate daughters. For pushing and fighting and cheering and loving on this beautiful boy we were given. It was the pre-wheelchair, post-wheelchair haircut. It was the "you are working really hard at being the person I intended you to be" voice of God.

Not just a haircut.